Just about an hour into the session last night, an old colleague called with the intent of asking me out for dinners. I promptly told him that I was at my pastor's place getting wedding counseling. This would usually be replied to with the usual dirty jokes and potshots, which I then give the usual shrug and smile.
Today's session was pretty hard hitting - I think for both of us. Which in my opinion, was all good. I'll share the lesson another time - right now I thought to share the aftermath.
I've often told my non-Christian friends that the most important aspect of Christian marriage counseling is getting things out in the open and dealing with them, in the light of Holy Scripture. I think the first part strikes a chord with them, more so if they are married.
So I'd tell them that I've discovered that what doesn't get said gets buried and will resurrect one day to haunt you, carrying with it the stench of festering issues and bad feelings. By this time, you've got to deal with an undead monster of an issue, when all you needed to do before was to settle it honestly and openly.
To quote a GTD axiom, you handle things as they show up, not when they blow up. Great tip.
As I am writing this I'm feeling this amazing sense of relief from dealing with something that has been bothering me for very long. As I resurrected the zombie issue from the graveyard of broken dreams, I laid his corpse out in the open for discussion with the lady. Not an entirely pretty scene.
To be frank, the issue had been the main topic the past 2 days, and I had been struggling to bring closure to this one thing that I had never intended for open discussion, ever. I guess you can tell that though it was a couple issue, it was more mine than hers.
After more than 3 hours of flinging raw emotions, loud words, frustration and finally, comforting - I carry now a lighter load on my back knowing that while there's no simple solution to the issue, at least it's out in the open, and the burden is shared - mutually. I also rest easier knowing that she understands my point of view, and that I'm not going to drag this rancid corpse out of one graveyard to bury it in a new one - one that we both will share.
This is one of the longest posts I've ever written here - and this is the first thing in the morning that I'm doing - because I feel greatly compelled by the Almighty to get it out. Perhaps I'm feeling the burden of this truth because of the marriages I'm seeing falling apart, husbands and wives suffering one of the most traumatic events ever.
So this is what I'm saying. This is important. Please take the time to think about this. I'm not coming from a position of any experience (though I have been in this relationship longer than many couples have been married, haha) but I believe that what just happened yesterday has saved my mental sanity, my spiritual state, and yes, my future marriage.
I'll be back later to finish up this post :)
~Adrian.
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