I'm not a big fan of contemporary dating (as in "playing the game" and "chasing") thing. Never have been.
I'm more an advocate of activity-based courtship (for example, getting to know each other through sports, organized excursions, projects outside of work, etc) and group outings - them being comfortable, non-stressful and - most importantly - safe ways to meet and get to know someone better. I believe it's possible to continue meeting in group/small group settings, having one-on-one moments perhaps over Instant Messaging/Phone calls; until which time both decide it's time to take things a step further (i.e. engagement or marriage). It's sounds peculiar for our times, and is probably hard to do, but it's possible. And considering the tough time teens and young adults are having dating these days, it's not a bad idea to protect yourself from a very cruel world.
But on to the book.
The 10 Commandments of Dating, by Ben Young and Dr. Samuel Adams
The premise, according to the authors, is that there are many couples out there who are engaging in faulty and destructive relationships. Most of these relationships are a result of erroneous assumptions and expectations, which the authors attribute to "Hollywood-influenced" contemporary dating.
Laying Down the Law
10 Commandments of Dating lays down 10 (plus 1) common-sense guidelines and to-dos on dating. It's great that they share their Christian convictions in plain words, with none of the Christian pseudo-psychology that's emerging these days. I'll list them out here:
- Thou Shalt Have A Life (Or, Don't be desperately looking for relationships at the expense of having a meaningful relationship with the Lord, and existence)
- Thou Shalt Use Your Brain (Or, Don't love blindly and foolishly)
- Thou Shalt be Equally Yoked (Or, Don't date someone with a different religious background from you)
- Thou Shalt Take It Slow (Or, Don't rush into physical, emotional, psychological, yes, even spiritual, intimacy)
- Thou Shalt Set Clear Boundaries (Or, Protect yourself and give yourself freedom within well-defined and agreed-uponlimits)
- Thou Shalt Save Sex For Later (Or, Keep sexual satisfaction within the marriage, never outside of it)
- Thou Shalt Not Play House (Or, Don't co-habit)
- Thou Shalt Fight Fairly (Or, Seek first to understand, then to be understood)
- Thou Shalt Not Ignore The Warning Signs (Or, Look out for signals that indicate a bad mate)
- Thou Shalt Choose Wisely (Or, Don't make a lousy decision)
- Thou Shalt Take Action (Or, Don't procrastinate)
Common or Uncommon Sense
Definitely good sense - but common sense? If what the authors say is true, reality - the fact that more than 50% of marriages fail - seems to show that it's probably otherwise. I'm glad the authors make great points, and are scripturally sound; but it was great to see them cite statistics of relationships failing to follow any one of these principles. For example, while they discussed Commandment 7, they noted that the Houston Chronicle reported that couples who "Test Drive" or cohabit have a 80% chance of failing in their marriage, and a Washington State researcher showed that females in a co-habiting relationships are twice as likely to experience domestic violence. Statistics like these are paradigm changing, and should make anyone consider their true intentions for co-habiting.
Solutions for Fixing & Leaving Faulty Relationships
The authors also provide advice on how to fix and/or leave faulty relationships. Well-meant, I'm sure, but I am skeptical on how strong the human resolve is when it comes to overcoming needs for companionship in order to resolve these "broken commandments". There are more foundational issues than transgressing the 10 commandments alone, and applying a "Band-Aid Rip" (pg 147) isn't particularly good advice. A strong support group might be able to provide the care that is needed for recovery. For the Christian, many of these issues may find a solution in prayerful ministry and counsel, ultimately aimed at restoring a good relationship with the Lord.
Final Thoughts
Overall, it's a good read. It covers many perspectives on the subject, not sparing detail on application and moving forward from relationships. Often, that could be just what's needed to get a start on moving on - knowing the right steps, and how to take them.
Days are our own, an appropriate as well as for you to select their own life. To see perfect it, bless you!
Posted by: Air Jordans shoes | June 11, 2010 at 10:45 AM